Beautiful Chaos

My journey in community has largely dominated the past year or more of my life, and it has been the thing for which I have needed the most courage. You would think that my decision to move my home across the world would have been the greater challenge. But no. If you want to test the bravery of your heart, take a journey deep into community.

I am convinced that it is in the context of relationship that God builds our strengths, works on our weaknesses, brings us to face our fears, and heals our hurts. There is this inseparable interaction between your development, and the development of those around you. You cannot separate your own needs and insecurities from another’s brokenness and limited capacity to give. Here where I find my own pain, I also find yours. Here, community can look like a chaotic explosion, where my brokenness reacts to the brokenness of those around me. It is a place where things I perhaps never would have found begin to surface.

I’ve cried more tears than I would want anybody to see, I’ve had more emotional drama than I care to admit, and fears and insecurities continue to arise where I thought I had finally snubbed them out. But it is worth every single ounce of discomfort. I would walk it all again just to be where I am today. Sometimes I get caught up in the quagmire of it all, and the pain of process gives me the temporary sense that I want to go back. It’s not always everything that I want it to be and it involves millions of things I would rather not face. It can be messy until it hurts, and painful till it makes you angry. But walked with the grace of God, it can bring healing. I am slowly realizing that God is quite fond of pairing up these messy, chemical reactions. They are His way of bringing redemption. He will not bring us to wholeness outside of connection to His body. We are all in need of healing, and it’s His plan to have us be a part of that journey for each other. This right here, is the beautiful chaos of community.

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